Namaste - on the last week of the 30 Day Challenge

unfortunately, this week, i've not been able to share much of my experience due to my work schedule.

not making it for the morning class, i try my best to make it for the evenings. i realised that the evening classes are much more packed than the morning class. and honestly, i prefer doing yoga in the morning as it truly gives the day a great energy boost!

there is one class which its experience i would like share. for me this class was special. special not because it was a morning class, but it was a class which i went straight from work to. yes, i worked till 7.30am from the morning before and went into class the morning after.

as i already lack oxygen going up to the head due to lack of sleep, through the poses where i had to bow forward or down, i had blood rushing up (or should i say down) to my head. coming up from those poses gave me a high, a nice dizzy spin like you've just had a couple of glasses of wine.. relaxation after class was bliss.. the muscles truly feeling used and well spent.

however, i would not recommend anyone to do this. it was incredibly dangerous for me when i was driving back after class, as i was feeling numbness (the mild pins and needles type) to my arms and feet, and had to concentrate extra hard to keep my wheels in check.

there's another 4 more days to go. i hope to be able to complete them without missing anymore, despite the fact that i'm also working through the public holiday and weekend.

wish me luck~!!

Namaste - Day 14,15,16,17 & 18

honestly, i feel really guilty for not being able to update this diary as often during the last 5 days. there is a perfectly good reason for that. my work has been super duper hectic, plus i haven't been sitting in front of my computer much as well.

also, during the last few days, silly old me, mistaking the pain on my arms and shoulders as using my muscles during sun salutation, i pulled it instead. rendering both my arms kinda useless after, and not able to do the other poses which uses the arms as well. this is not such an innocent mistake. it is a very common and taken for granted mistake. the lack of preparation and warm-up.

so while my arms are healing, and using more of my legs, i'm going to take this pretty painful lesson as a good smacking for not having good common sense. one of the most important lessons in yoga, good warm-up and awareness of the body.

oh, and pain isn't everything.. it can definitely be detrimental.. i suddenly feel like such a sadist..

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i didn't make it for the morning class, but made it for the evening one. indra had already made my meal in the morning and saved it for me, so i went to pick it up during lunch.

Veggie Kebab

Namaste - Day 11, 12 & 13

and again i was super late on Wed & Thurs.

i realised why i've been so tired & exhausted the last 2-3 days. it's a monthly thing. my body starts to breakdown a day or two before my cycle starts. and because my body is still getting used to doing yoga for the last two weeks, i got extra tired. i just couldn't get out of bed this morning, despite already being half awake.

my body is telling me not to push it any further. i've not done any form of real exercise in months (maybe even years), and i'm no spring chicken either.

i used to lie to myself that, yeah, i am exercising what.. i'm dancing in clubs.. counts rite :p
no, dancing in a club does not count for exercise. its not as intense as dancing in a real class for 2-3 hours straight. it can't even compare to my 1 hour of yoga every morning. so therefore, it definitely doesn't count.

no worries, i'll be back and bouncing again in another 2 days..

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meals for the last 2 days :)

we had chickpeas & olive salad and wheatberries & fruits salad

this was really yummy on its own..

but i couldn't help making it into a wrap.

a chickpea & salad with yogurt dressing chapati wrap..

*drooling while thinking about it*

annnnddd my wheatberries & fruit salad

was supposed to wrap this too, but i didn't have time this morning

as i didn't get to go to class this morning, my dearest cousin, who's also in the challenge together with me, dropped it off at my house. thanks yvonne! :)

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there's also something else that triggered during the last few days. i felt that i should finally let this off my chest. one of the reasons why i haven't blog this in the last year or so is cause i haven't been blogging about much.

there was this boyfriend whom i was seeing for a year. he was my pillar of strength. the man who pulled me out of a rut that i was in and help me define myself again.

when we broke up, it was a mutual decision. however, mutual as it was, it was still as heartbreaking as hell. shortly after we broke up, he got together with his now fiance.

i was jealous, hurt, and couldn't think of anything else but to numb myself. and i did that by somewhat heading into self-destructive acts like drinking, drinking alot, screwing around, getting into destructive relationships, throwing away my so-called career, and what not.. it took me 9 months to destroy myself, and another 3 years to try and save what's left of it.

there is definitely no doubt that i loved him very much, and still do, although not in the same manner. however, i love him that much to want him to be happy, even if its with someone else. that's healthy still right :)

and finally i am able to let go. i am even able to face her (his fiance) too. she was one of the many friends i made during college. so it was kinda awkward at first.

all that was a while ago. and yet, sometimes it just feels like yesterday. constantly feeling guilty of how much i've let myself go and abusing my own body the last half a decade.

another thing i've felt, or rather, was pointed out by a friend, was that i was slowly but surely, building up barriers around my heart like you wouldn't believe. those walls are thicker and longer than the great wall of china. she told me, open up myself, don't get used to being single. basically means don't be a hermit.

and i think this was one of the reasons why my not-so-recent relationship didn't work out that well. because i was still clammed up. because i wasn't open. because i didn't take the risk to feel and love again.

it's time to break all those down, and no one else can do that but me.

Namaste - Day 7, 8, 9 & 10

the last few days has rendered me physically & mentally exhausted. so exhausted that i couldn't wake up this morning in time, and was super late for class.

i missed the sun salutations, with both regret and relief. regret that i didn't get to do it ritually every morning, but a relief as i don't think i could have sustain the rest of the class if i did. 

indra said that it is possible that my body has reached its limit. well, its not time to give up yet. though i was late, it is definitely better than not showing up at all.

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today's meal :)

Salsa Hummus Wrap

 absolutely yummy!! *slurp*

Namaste - Day 5 & 6

oh gosh! i almost forgot that i've got a yoga diary to update :)

going through the motions for the last two days at class, i realised that i'm moving into poses easier, and stretching alot better. throughout the rest of the day my body feels lighter, and i'm beginning to have a tendency to stretch those major muscles that are stationary due to office work ever so often.

one of the moments that i feel proud about during this challenge is being able to wake up early to go for the classes. i used to think i have mild insomnia as i'm unable to sleep at night, tossing and turning till the wee hours of the morning before i actually get some 20 winks before waking up in a heavy daze for work. thus, afraid that i wouldn't be able to uphold the challenge.

but for the last 6 days, as i've spent quite alot of energy during class in the morning, and just going through the motions at work, by the time 10.30pm comes, i'm tired and sleepy enough to doze off. resulting to rising early in the morning and off to class.

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during relaxation today, while erin told us to go to a comfortable place, i couldn't help thinking of teresa and her proposal for this challenge. and all these thoughts ran through my head...

"accept for my own mother, no one knows me better than her. in a way, we're like mirror images - as much alike as we are, we can also be the opposite of each other. for example, her childish excitement where at times amuses me, most of the time frustrates me.. i'm the calm sort who keeps an image of a cool cat. and yet, when i let myself go, when my inner child appears, i can too annoy myself with my own childish excitement. 

i've always been a slow person when it comes to following or practicing a trend, or even being a fan something / someone. with teresa, its the same thing. while we practically almost have the same taste in everything, my interest thens to take slower and smaller baby steps towards it. take yoga, for instance. it took me more than 7 years after teresa has pursued it to pique an interest at it, though i've only admired it from a distance, and that was with encouragement as well as being challenged into it.

when initially, during my younger days, where i was the subject of admiration between us sisters, i find that i admire her even more seeing she has accomplished so much in the practices of humanity and passion. her spiritual calling is so much stronger than mine, as i've strayed so far away... time to re-adjust my path.."